National Lampoon's Family Vacation Part Two: Tenerife

By Blonde Bowhemian - November 15, 2015

Midway through our week together, the rents and I packed, took a 2.5 hour shared taxi ride from Paris to Beauvais airport (1.5 hours of which was spent driving through Paris... #stillbittter) and made our way to Tenerife in the Canary Islands. Seriously, I did not realize how far they are - it was a 4 hour flight! But once I actually looked at a map and educated myself on some basic geography I realized I was essentially off the coast of Africa so yeah, pretty far, and now it's basically like I've been to Africa, right? So close.

Our time in Tenerife was just what I needed, 80 degree days, the most beautiful views, and plenty of time spent relaxing by the pool/ocean. Actually, a little too much time spent by the pool considering I am still peeling from my lovely burn on my chest from one of the many times I thought I was too good for 17 euro sunscreen...lessons learned.
beach below our hotel...yes please
sry Bucknell, this is better
note: don't drink on an empty stomach
But, being the Harrold's we had to fit in some activities as well. Top of my list? The hunt for good guacamole. It took much longer than expected but I got my nachos with guac and it was embarrassingly satisfying (@ France: take lessons). We also embraced the local culture in terms of alcohol and filled ourselves with cava (spanish champagne), pina coladas, local wine, mojitos, and margaritas with sides of amazing seafood  #priorities.
rentals 
missing my partner in crime, Kyle 
eeeeeats
Occasionally we did real activities, too, shocking I know. We did a boat cruise where we saw some whales (?) dolphins (?), don't really know, but they came so close to the boat, which was cool and I didn't want to vomit like the last time I did a whale watching cruise so that was a plus. Then it took us by Los Gigantes, these huge cliffs, and into a harbor between some of the cliffs to swim for a few minutes. By the time I had convinced myself to go in, they asked everyone to come out so my b on that one. But it was so nice to get back out on the water and see the island from another perspective.
amigos
so close 
Los Gigantes 
cooler people than me
That whole me not vomiting thing? Didn't last long... Saturday morning we got up early to fit in breakfast and some tanning/burning time before checking out of our hotel and working our way to our next hotel that was closer to the airport. When I woke up I felt a little off and had no appetite, a concerning sign considering I'm always down to eat. I managed some breakfast then baked myself in the sun for a few hours (with sunscreen this time but still not my best idea). When it was time to leave, we walked back into the hotel and in the elevator.

As soon as I got in the elevator I was like well, I'm about to vom. Thank god that was the fastest elevator I've ever been in. Miraculously, I held it down and started my usual sprint-walk back to the room. That is until my vision started going out. Been there toooooo many times before. I looked my parents, blurted out "I'm about to faint" and booked it to our room, probably running in a zig zag because I was basically blind at that point. I get myself on the ground and put my head between my legs, #tbt'ing in my mind to when the same exact thing happened at CVS and I made a total fool of myself in front of my ski team coach...

Then, of course, our room key had already expired, so finally we got the door open with the help of a maid and I laid down, had multiple bottles of water and a granola bar and thought I was good to go. We checked out, I attempted a macaron and immediately regretted it. Then, the best part: We got our rental car and my parents decide we should do a THREE HOUR drive up and down the main volcano on the island aka the tallest volcano in Europe. Lovely. The roads were legitimately the equivalent of Pine Tree Road in Redding (aka tiny, windy, and bumpy) for THREE HOURS and up a mountain at the same time. Oh, and we stopped multiple times to "take in the views" whereas I was literally green in the backseat trying to keep food down and/or not pass out. Also it was legitimately freezing up there, so you could say I was having a great time.

We finally got to the top of the mountain where there was a cable car to the peak. Why my parents even asked if I wanted to do it I'm not sure considering the idea of me in a confined space with a bunch of strangers in a potential ~splash zone~ around me was basically the worst thing ever. I declined that one, walked inside, bought more water, contemplated throwing up, somehow kept it down and we began our descent. And those roads were even worse.

Finally, towards the end of the three hours, as we were snaking our way down a "highway," I told my dad to pullover, something he took as like oh she can wait until I find a good spot. No. I told him I needed to stop right away, so there I was, in someone's driveway, on the side of a highway, vomiting up anything and everything that's ever been in my stomach, while people yelled random things in Spanish out their windows at me as they drove by and my parents sat in the car facing forward pretending they didn't know me. At the time I couldn't have cared less because I had some bigger problems to deal with but now I'd say it was a little embarrassing. I got back in the car, and my mom handed me a tiny tissue. Yes, it helped, but you know I could've used some gum, advil, or maybe, you know, my dignity back. 
managed one picture
We finally got to the new hotel, and after declining welcome drinks and trying to speed up the process of getting to the room, I found my way to my bed and basically didn't leave it until the next morning. My parents went out exploring and to dinner, leaving me to sleep, but then they came back with an omelet for me and I was forced to eat it. I can tell you I have never been so repulsed by the smell of something in my life. It was like the smell equivalent of nails on a chalkboard...if that makes any sense. But, I choked it down.....and then choked it back up an hour later. Needless to say I was doing great and was slightly concerned I had Ebola. 

The next morning, my parents left at 5am for their flight and I slept in until 8. Then it was up and at 'em without any energy or food in my stomach. Somehow I made it downstairs, into my taxi and onto the plane for a four hour flight that consisted of me begging myself to fall asleep, it not happening, and me feeling like I was semi conscious/high on laughing gas. Once in Paris I took a bus, a taxi, and a train home and finally made it to my bed around 8pm Sunday night and finally was able to eat normally by mid-Tuesday.

It was definitely a crazy week but minus the vomiting/fainting it was an amazing time spent with some amazing people (but we missed you, Kyle!) Can't say I wasn't a little homesick when they left though! But, somehow I only have a month left here (so insane) so I plan to make the most of it!

À bientôt!

Joanna



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